You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
