I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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