My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize