how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
