dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
