just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
