NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
