It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
