I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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