Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
