her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
