You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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