Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my poor anus
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
