It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
