You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
