He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
