drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
