By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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