If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
