I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
