just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
