Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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