cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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