He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
