white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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