Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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