when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
