Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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