You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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