That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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