I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.