never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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