Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
