I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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