i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
