Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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