now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
