come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
