its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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