Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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