Apparently you make a good broom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
