hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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