Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
FUCK WHALES
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
