Soap is not a condiment
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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