i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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