I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
