Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
