my sisters under your porch take her home
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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