Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize