I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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