cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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