Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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