so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
