good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
