Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
smell my finger.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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