somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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