I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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